I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
