Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
