Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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