first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
