if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
