Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
