I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
