do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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