Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(512): View more from Texas

I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.

(519): View more from Ontario

If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.

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(734): View more from Michigan

I wish I only lived at night.

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(917): View more from New York City

i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!

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(506): View more from New Brunswick

I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.

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(504): View more from Louisiana

Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.

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(519): View more from Ontario

Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous

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(870): View more from Arkansas

Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED

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(313): View more from Michigan

After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.

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