FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
