so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
