I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Randomize