I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
