She is in my trunk
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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