You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
