There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
