So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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