I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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