idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
