I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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