So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Randomize
