The maid of honor just puked.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
