The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
