Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
