If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
