I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
