I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
