After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize