I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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