Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
