I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
