Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
