Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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