69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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