Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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