You're completely useless in the revolution.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
