um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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