she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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