Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Randomize
