I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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