Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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