Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
My ATM looks so different sober.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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