shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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