I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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