she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
