you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
