This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
