You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
