she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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