I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
