she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
