if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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