I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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