You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
