i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
