I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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