We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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