OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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