I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
