im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
