the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
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