So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
