Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
