Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
