here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
