His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
