no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
