end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
