He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
