In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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